Embarrasing but funny.

I probably shouldn't be sharing this, but it is so funny I can't help it.

The other day I was at school talking to a friend when I thought that maybe my upset stomach was just a bit of gas. I thought I was just releasing the pressure, but then I thought that no, that was a Shart. So off I ran for the nearest men’s room. I got into the only open stall, relieved that it was not a shart, but was just a normal fart. However, in my haste to get in there I failed to notice a crack in the toilet seat. I was stuck. The broken seat had managed to pinch my left check, and wouldn’t let go. When I tried to stand up the flesh was firmly held in place by the toilet. It was probably the single most painful thing I’ve gone through in the last 12-18 months. I swear to god I thought I was going to have the flesh torn from my ass. After a minute or two (which felt like an hour or two) I was able to free myself from the seat. It was been a few days now and I still have a massive blood blister on my left check. I’ve been sitting crooked ever since then.

It's True.

I always thought it was a stereotype, but it is in fact true. Americans are loud. I am loud. I am really loud. I could direct ships I'm so loud. And back home? Well I'm quite. In fact I'm so loud, I have trouble hearing Germans speak. They all look like they are just mouthing at me. I have no idea how they communicate. Anyway, I've been trying to not yell so much, but it is tough. Thats the way I talk.

D'oh

bring the rain

Man Skills Vol. 2

As you may recall I recently listed some my most embarrasing male deficiencies. I've set about to correct as many of those as possible. Now I'm not going to learn how to disassemble and reassemble a Chevy small block anytime soon, I did learn how to drive a stick today. It took me long enough, but now I can check that off my list.


Thursday I also mentioned seeing a guy pass-out, I figure I'll explain that little bit of awesomeness in more detail. I was at school for a meeting, and while walking down the hall I saw a kid sitting on the ground, looking really wan. The next thing I know his eyes rolled backwards and he slammed his forehead into the ground and then slid across the floor. I was surprised that his head did no bounce. I told someone in the nearest office to call 911, and then I went to my meeting. I probably should have stayed, but I was running late, and there were other people streaming out of offices and classrooms to help the kid.