Sorry

I've been really busy this week with school, work and neutering my cat. I've barely had enough time to eat or sleep, never mind updating this blog. This weekend I'm going to catch up on some stuff, and hopefully be back in blogging form come Monday.

moment of zen coming later today.

Your Weekly Moment of Zen #4

This one goes out to all the ladies:

Powerball Update

Damnit, I'm 0 for 1. This is a waste of time... I give up.

Powerball

Today I bought my first ever lottery ticket. Powerball.

Lets hope I go 1 for 1.


Later I'll let you know how I do.

Hurray For Beer.

Thanks to National Geographic I've got the top 25 per capita Beer consumers for you.

1. Czech Republic------------------160.5*
2. Ireland---------------------------127.4
3. Germany-------------------------109.9
4. Austria---------------------------105.8
5. Belgium---------------------------98.6
6. United Kingdom-----------------95.7
7. Denmark-------------------------92.5
8. Slovakia--------------------------92.4
9. Australia-----------------------87.8
10.Venezuela---------------------83.3
11.United States------------------82.8
12.Spain-----------------------------82.1
13.Finland---------------------------81.7
14.Hungary-------------------------80.1
15.New Zealand------------------77.3
16.Netherlands
17.Poland
18.Portugal
19.Canada
20.Romania
21.Bulgaria
22.Russia
23.Switzerland
24.South Africa
25.Norway

Sorry for only having volumes for the top 15, but that is all Nat. Geo. gave out. And, in case you hadn't noticed, I bolded all non-European nations.

*All volume measured in liters per capita.

Your Weekly Moment of Zen #3

I can stand Honda, but I love this commercial.

As if the Kazahks didn't have enough problems.

First they get stuck with Borat, now the national bank of Kazahkstan has mispealled the word "bank" on their new currency. Apparently Borat hadn't done enough damage to the nation's image so they decided to let the government take over. And, it isn't just some of the money, it is about 80% of the currency printed for the year.

Just a Reminder

For some crazy reason, or because I fucked something up, my blog is best viewed on a Mac or PC running Firefox as the web browser.

If you haven't yet experienced FireFox go ahead an download it now, there is a box thing you can click over there ---> and down a little bit (or alot if your PC is messin' up my blog). Then you can see my blog, and the internet, the way it was meant to be seen... without MS's hand in pants... I mean business.

300 Million Americans

Tomorrow morning at about quarter till eight the US will reach the 300 million mark for population. We reached 100 million in 1915, 200 million in 1967, and are expected to reach 400 million by the year 2043.

I'm not entirely sure how they can be sure we'll reach 300 million at 7:46 am October 17th, but that's what they're saying. Anyway, in case you didn't realize this, the United States is already the third most populous nation on Earth, and now we'll be only the third nation with over 300 million people (but I suppose that is self explanatory).

Your Weekly Moment of Zen #2

This is only about 4 minutes longer than it needs to be.

Maine Rednecks

*Sorry for the delay in postings, my internet went down (again) this weekend.*

This past weekend I took my girlfriend up to Maine for the weekend. Being relatively new to the north she had yet to visit Maine, so we thought we'd make a weekend of it. You may be wondering why we would choose this weekend to visit Maine. Well I have two answers for you; 1) the October issue of National Geographic Traveler touts Maine's Fryeburg Fair as being a wondrous experience, 2) no woman (not even my girlfriend) can pass up outlet shopping, especially in a place like Freeport.

By God were we wrong. The Fryeburg Fair must have been one of the worst experiences of my life. The fair takes place hours from the nearest highway, in what amounts to be a residential area with only 2, maybe 3, small access roads. A 4:20 drive turned into a 7 hour drive because of more traffic than I've ever seen in my entire life, and in the northern reaches of New Hampshire of all places. Once I got into the fair it totally sucked. It was overly crowded. It looked more like a cheap carnival than a fair. And, worst of all, I had to finally admit to my girlfriend that northern rednecks/ white-trash, are in fact much much worse than anything she ever saw growing up in Atlanta, and then living in Alabama. I had and aunt that lived just south of Canada, in Vermont, and I do recall seeing numerous country folk, but never did I realize how back water some of these people are. I expect more from New Englanders. I don't think I've ever seen so many mullets in one place. And I know for a fact I haven't seen that many Insane Clown Posse, and Eminem t-shirts in one place since the late 90s, it ever. No wonder Canadians dislike Americans, we've stuck all our genetic rejects right on their border. One of the main selling points in the article was the amazing food, and specifically maple sugar cotton candy, at the fair. Wow, that sucked too. It tastes like normal cotton candy, although the ear of corn covered in maple syrup was pretty damn good.

The weekend wasn't all bad. We did stay in a fairly nice hotel, which was over an hour from Fryeburg, and Freeport was fun. I bought a kickass winter hat at the LL Bean factory store, and some new socks. The drive back to Connecticut was also fun, no traffic, only a few tolls, and the thought of never having to return to Fryeburg for so long as I shall live.

Metalocalypse

When I was an angry teenager I went through my heavy metal phase. Most guys do, but I grew out of it. Sure I have all of Metallica's albums, but so do alot of people. Anyway after years of repressing my metalheadness, Metaloclypse has brought it back out. It is a short featured on Adult Swin on Cartoon Network, and each episode is under 15 minutes long. This is hands down the best cartoon created since South Park. Don't believe me? Check out this episode for yourself (it's not my favorite episode, but the only one I could find in its entirty on YouTube).

Part One:


Part Two:


And for some reason the intro sequence was cut off of Part One, so here it is.

Your Weekly Moment of Zen

Hopefully this will be a new tradition here on The Guinness Tooth.

Beam Me Up Scotty

We haven't quite reached Star Trek levels of teleportation, but some scientists over in Copenhagen (a truly beautiful city, you should visit), have managed to teleport both light and matter about half a meter. Who knows how long it'll be before we can send people, or cows, any great distance, but it will happen. I know for a fact I will not be one of the first to use it. The last thing I want is to end up with my atomic structure scattered throughout the universe by some mistake in the calculations. Or even worse, end up like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly.

This is The Sex

The word for today is "Juxtaposition."
From the Merriam-Webster Online dictionary:
Pronunciation: "j&k-st&-p&-'zi-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin juxta near + English position -- more at JOUST
: the act or an instance of placing two or more things side by side; also : the state of being so placed

Here's an example of poor use of Juxtaposition:

Why place such terrible music "side by side" with one of the most beautiful cars of the last...forever.

The Flaming Lips: 9/24/06 Hammerstein Ballroom

Sunday night I did something I’ve wanted to do for many years, be part of a Flaming Lips concert. Note the fact I said “be a part of” as opposed to simply “watching” or “going to” a Flaming Lips concert. This is because Wayne Coyne makes you, the audience member, feel like so much more than a simple concert go-er. He makes you feel like one of the regulars at a Flaming Lips house party. I have never seen a band-leader, or in his case a ring-leader, do such an amazing job of making every audience member feel like the only audience member. I simply cannot get over the fact that this band did what it did. Standing on stage, perhaps 20 feet away from me, Wayne has this ability to come across as the most likeable guy in rock n’ roll. He makes you think if you ran into him at random, that the two of you would be best friend for life. Before the concert even starts he is showing what a cool guy he is. He is up there on the side of the stage watching the entire set of the opening act, which is something I’ve never seen a musician do. Not only that, but he helps the roadies set up the equipment, a feat I’ve seen indie label bands avoid. Add that to the fact that the bend is such an excellent live band (something I didn’t expect), and you’ve got yourself a concert you’ll remember forever. That statement doesn’t even include the lasers, about 15 guys dressed like Santa Clause on stage left, an equal number of girls dressed up like “sexy aliens” on stage right, such vast quantities of streamers that the view of the stage was completely obstructed, a giant bubble Wayne used to walk and crawl across the audience, hand held smoke machines, an amazing collection of videos played on a screen behind the band, roadies dressed up like “superheroes” (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Thor, The Flash, Space Ghost, Bat Girl) and about 100 giant yellow balloons bouncing like popcorn through the audience.

For a band that’s been playing since 1983 I was quite shocked to hear only two songs that predated 1999, those two being their biggest US hit, “She Don’t Use Jelly,” and a song Wayne didn’t think the band had ever preformed live before, Steven Drozd, the guitarist/ keyboardist, begged to differ, “You Have to be Joking (Autopsy of the Devil’s Brain),” off of Hit to Death in the Future Head. I have seen a couple of Flaming Lips set-lists, and it is rare they play anything pre-The Soft Bulletin, but I was hoping for old stuff, and I got it. The only thing that could have been better would have been in they played "Talkin' 'Bout the Smiling Deathporn Immortality Blues (Everyone Wants to Live Forever)," which is also off of Hit to Death in the Future Head, which I should mention is my second favorite Lips album (I won’t disclose my favorite, guess if you please), and therefore I’m biased towards songs from that album.

Anyway, the live aspect of their music made me realize what it is I have disliked in the two albums released after The Soft Bulletin, and that is they are too polished. The band is producing gloss when I want matte. Although Wayne has stated that the last three albums have all been products of the studio, it is only Yoshimi…and At War with the Mystics that feel like studio crafted albums. I feel as though I can’t fully describe what I’m trying to say without using vague terms such as “earthly,” “organic,” “live,” and “human,” to describe what they’re missing, so I won’t. However, all those terms were there when I saw the music performed live. At War with the Mystics could easily end up on my list of most disappointing albums of ’06, but the songs from that album were amazing live. Too often you see a band and think “damn that was a great song… on the album,” but not with these guys. (With sentences like that I feel as though I’m trying to sell the band, go ahead say it “The Guinness Tooth is a tool.”)

As you can see this isn’t your typical concert review, I didn’t tell you how long the set was, I didn’t tell you which songs they played, I didn’t even tell you to what effect the special effects were used, no, what I want to convey to you is the fact that The Flaming Lips do something no other major label band do. They connect with their audience, after 23 years, in the same way a bunch of teenagers in their first band try to. They have a true love for their craft, they want to create the most beautiful, the most sincere, the most spectacular concert possible. They want you to leave feeling like I felt. They want to be your best friend.

The Foot Guitarist

Do I know how to play guitar? Yes. Do I have arms? Yes. Does this guy know how to play Guitar? Yes. Does he have arms? NO! Check out this guy play guitar with his feet. Amazing.

Here's a link, the person who uploaded it on the YourTube disabled the embed function, but you need to watch it.

The Big E

Some for the delay, It's been difficult getting back into the swing of school, work and the real world.

Up until Saturday I'd never been. Every year people encourage me to go visit New England's largest fair, but it took me this long to visit. I don't see the point. There weren't enough animals there. When I go to fairs I like to look at freakishly large cows and swine, and I got neither. There were some normal sized cows, but now swine of any shape, size or variety. The food was over priced. I spent $6 on a small serving of the world worst fried green tomatoes. I know many of my readers hail from the northeast, and like my self probably aren't that familiar with this delicacy of the south. But, you need to know it is an amazingly light and refreshing food when prepared properly. My Atlanta born girlfriend, being a child of the south, has turned me on to this and many other southern foods. She has also shown me the correct way to prepare it, which is a lesson the people of the fair should pay attention too.

It wasn't all bad news. The Maine exhibit was delicious. I had a tasty lobster roll, and some smoked salmon on a stick that was to die for. There was also a GM exhibit of an old GM Futureliner. I also bought some tasty pickles from a booth in the Connecticut exhibit. They're spicy sliced pickles from a place in Fairfield called Mels' Hellish Relish.

Overall I had a good time at the fair. I plan upon going to another fair in October. This one is up in Maine and was featured near the back of the most recent issue of National Geographic Traveler. Apparently it's got some giant Oxen and Cows. And cotton candy made from maple syrup.

A final note. I had no idea there were so many "cowboys" in New England. I've always known Connecticut to be the least New Englandy of the New England States, but I had no idea cowboys and farmer folk were so prevalent. There's just something strange about a guy from Massachusetts wearing a cowboy hat, with super tight Wranglers, big boots, a giant belt buckle and a Carhartt jacket.

Today is my first day back in classes, I've been dreading this day for, uh, um, days?. I thought I had to go back to school this past Tuesday, I got ready, and then at the last minute saw I was scheduled to return today. I had spent Monday trying to get the most out of summer, in anticipation of my return to school. I went to Six Flags Over New England. My trip to Six Flags had one, and only one, purpose, to ride The Typhoon. A water roller-coaster. It was 75 degrees out, and because my lovely girlfriend wanted to go on this one ride, we made the trek to Six Flags to go to the water park! Don't get me wrong, I too wanted to go to Six Flags, but a water park in 75 degree weather is not fun. But, The Typhoon was fun, so we rode it twice. I nearly chiped a tooth from my teeth chattering.

In other news:
If you recall I had some issues trying to get tickets for Sunday's Flaming Lips concert in Boston. After Ticketmaste refused to sell me tickets because I didn't have an AmEx card, and then offered crappy seats I decided to skip the show. I've never seen the Lips, and really wanted to go, so I broke down and bought some tickets on ebay. It was too late for Boston, so I got tickets for the NYC show, through ebay. Two tickets for $104 (including shiping and insurance), which is less than what two tickets for Boston would have cost me via Ticketbastard. The best thing about it, is that the tix are GA on the floor. Thats better than anything I could've gotten for Boston. My girlfriend is happy to go, aside from the possibility of being surrounded by dirty hippies. If you've been a long time reader of my blog, or atleast since late June, you'll know I hate hippies. She fears being crowded in a small place with dirty people, regardless of thier hippie-ness, hippies just tend to be extra dirty.

Speaking of Hippies, I've think I may be starting to look like one. I'll be like one of those Self-Loathing-Jews, except I'll be a Self-Loathing-Hippy. Long hair (pulled up in a bun), and a scruffy beard, and Birkenstocks, all year, even in the winter.

more animals news (mostly good)

I didn't mention this earlier, because I wasn't sure if we were going to keep them, but I got 2 cats recently. They, a male and female (litter mates), showed up at my house about 10 days ago, and have been here since. They're young cats, the vet estimated them to be about 10 months old, and they're house cats. Because we didn't find any "missing cats" flyers around, and because no one claims to have lost cats in my area, we assume they've been abandoned. They are really great cats, and knew to use the litter box immediately (which just proved they were abandoned). The male was bitten on his left hip, so I took him to the vet for shots and anti-biotic's, the female will be checked out next week. I've never had cats before so this is really cool. Until I get them cleaned up and they have all their shots they have to stay in the basement/ garage, so they're biding their time out of sight for now, but soon they will arise from the depths to join the family. We've named the female Snowball, because she is white, and the male The Shadow because he is grayish silver or silvery gray, I'm not sure which one. I'll post pictures in the next few days.

In other animal news some sicko left a dead squirrel in my front yard Friday afternoon. I was leaving my house and saw a white towel balled up in my yard, and paid it no attention. About 40 minutes later my mom called me to tell me there was a dead squirrel in that balled up towel. I don't know if the person that put the squirrel killed it, put it in the towel and dumped it in my yard, or put it in the towel, killed it and dumped it in my yard; but I do know that neither one of those actions sound very wholesome to me. I really hope the squirrel was dead before it ended up in the towel. Binding an animal and then killing it, is just plain perverted. I hope whoever did that gets whets coming to them.